I'm cheating again. But I need to. This picture wasn't taken today - it was taken on June 1, 2008. My friend Joanne, on the right, died today after a year long battle with lung cancer. I am going to miss her so much.
Joanne was my first real boss - at my first job after college. In the accounting group of the Facilities department of Portland State University. Joanne was the head lady, and Kari, Avis (in the middle of this pic) and I were her team. The four of us were a tight knit group for 2.5 years. Because we paid the bills and tracked the hours for all of the maintenance and auxiliary crews, we were involved in projects (and drama) all over campus. We have all stayed in touch since we first came together in 1999 even though Kari and I moved away from Portland, and Joanne eventually retired.
I would see Joanne and Avis every time I went back to Portland (usually about 2 times a year) and I kept up via email with all three in between visits. It was at my wedding this past October that the 4 of us were finally together again after at about 6 years of being apart. By then, Joanne had already been diagnosed with lung cancer, but she was responding to treatment and it meant the world to me that she made the effort to be there for me.
Joanne was a great boss, and over the years became a great friend. She was, in many ways, like an extra parental figure to me. She was always looking for opportunities to grow me professionally. When I applied to 9 business schools, she dutifully wrote an individual recommendation for each school. She was so proud to send me off to MIT. We had a little going away party for my departure from Portland and she turned to Avis and said "Can you believe our little Ellen is headed to Boston to go to MIT?" She was an unwavering supporter - ever loyal, ever cheering me on. And not just professionally, but personally too. She was always there with an ear to listen to my latest dating saga and offer up encouraging advice. It was great to get to share my wedding with her.
When she first announced in February of 2009 that she had Stage 4 lung cancer I was floored. Joanne never smoked in her life. She lived very healthfully. She was trim and active. She was so young. But she was also incredibly optimistic. She endured rounds of radiation and chemotherapy - listened intently to all doctors orders and put her all into beating it. And we were all uplifted when the tumors in her lungs began to shrink.
She expressed how the thought of being there for her kids kept her going. How she wanted to be at their weddings, to get to know their children. She was cheerful and stylish at my wedding. Hopeful.
But there were more rounds of treatment ahead of her. And once again the shock came barreling in when she had a low-sodium attack last Monday and after stabilizing, she learned the lesions in her brain had doubled in size. Knowing that she may be near the end, she asked her husband to call me yesterday to give me the news. He told me that she always cared about me so much and wanted to make sure I knew. I told him to tell her I loved her and that I'd be thinking good thoughts for her. She died today, exactly 1 year from the date of diagnosis.
Joanne was a beautiful person. So important to my life and who I am today. She helped lay some of the most important building blocks within me. She was incredibly loyal and patient, and always tried to see the good in people - sometimes to the point of being almost naive. But that was part of her charm. Not to be mistaken with being dumb - Joanne was a shrewd accountant. She was great with numbers, money and fashion. Ever a bargain hunter, she retained a great sense of style - from her clothes to her car to the music she listened to. She was traditional and practical, and I so was always surprised when I'd climb into her car and she'd have the alternative rock station playing. But Joanne was often full of fun contradictions. Even though she never stopped being herself.
I could keep going on about her. So many memories come flooding to mind. Like when she surprise decorated my cubicle with Christmas ornaments. Or the unending rotation of Christmas pins she wore all throughout December. Or when she broke her foot and was so embarrassed to be pushed around the office in a wheelchair. I keep thinking of more and more things to write about. More qualities of hers that I want to capture.
And I want to keep going, because I don't know how to end this post. And there is something final feeling about ending this post. Even though the end is already here. I just don't want to face it. It's so hard to believe she's gone. She was such a constant in my life for 11 years and I feel the loss so deeply. I am truly going to miss her so much. It's impossible to say good bye.
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